It's always funny to me, the way life works out. It's such a strange progression our lives take on.
When I was 14,15,16...I really don't remember my exact age but I know it lasted throughout my early teenage years, after my father died in '03. Really such terrible timing for the inauguration of a single mother of two.
My mother, my younger brother and I would always do things together. I had the worst, unfounded attitude about leaving the house with them. Where ever we were, my brother would throw a tantrum and in turn, I would get upset for whatever reason. I never had enough good sense to know my actions weren't helping anything.
I was an awkward teenager who didn't like being out in public with my mother and little brother. I had pimples, shaggy hair, it was no secret what i did at night. Did I have this idea that I would be destroyed if somebody noticed me? Like my highschool reputation was that precious?
I guess I'm writing this because I feel so terrible about these days. It's also this strange feeling that there's always some ominous version of me in the future watching me type this. Watching me scream, watching me cry, watching me go crazy over this girl or be embarrassed by this moment.
How much pain would we save ourselves if we knew what our future selves knew?
And if this is true, which it is, In most cases,
I suppose pain is essential in being human.
1 comment:
Keeping busy helps you deal with loss. Most important thing to remember when dealing with a family loss is that you are still a family even if your little brother is difficult at times. True, if you had known then what you know now, where would you be? Pain and Joy are essential in life.
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