On/Off

"When I was five
I went fishing with my family.
My dad caught a turtle.
My mom caught a snapper.
My brother caught a crab.
I caught a whale.

That night we ate crab.
The next night we ate turtle.
The next night we ate snapper.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale.
The next night we ate whale..."
Tao Lin

I got talent. I got a taste. My story "Thursday" was published in the University literary journal. I guess that gave me permission to go wild. I was looking down a road that could have ended me in my mother's position. I can't keep going on like that. There's something I need to be working on. I haven't had a drink in five days. What started as a pact has now become closer to an endurance contest. The smell sickens me. I think of that feeling in the back of my brain and the pit of my stomach turns. Whatever.

Yes, I was published in my University's literary journal. Which means... something. It means an audience of six credited editors found a story I wrote one morning as practice (a Thursday morning) worth putting in their simple typo riddled journal. But I appreciate it. It gave me the initiative to submit to other journals.

Last night I had a dream my significant other was unfaithful. I wasn't angry. At first. It was Halloween. I dressed as a vampire at a Church function. I thought this was clever. When she told me I remember I thought, "She buys me everything, why shouldn't she be allowed to see other men?" I'm smiling. I'm still dressed as a vampire when we lay on a hotel bed and I ask why. I got angry but a black man told me not to argue. He told me she was so good to me I had nothing to complain about. He went downstairs below our hotel room to a room filled with water where he was attached to a machine. He said, "I can hear everything down here." Fuck.