An E.mail

In an email to Milkdevotchka,

I'm not feeling well tonight. I miss you. I'm depressed I think and I don't believe the Prozac is working anymore. I tried going to sleep earlier when you went to bed. But I just laid awake with these thoughts in my head. They weren't the usual thoughts. I usually can't sleep because I'm excited about an idea or something. But tonight it's just This awful feeling of failure. Maybe not failure but definitely an awful feeling. I forgot to sign up for that class today. I'm afraid I won't get back on track. I'm afraid I'm not on the track I'm supposed to be on. I'm afraid there might not be a track for me. I don't want to work at Best Buy for the rest of my life. I want to be happy. I want to be happy with my life and I don't know if that's possible. Maybe I'll hit the road with a puppet show and a troupe of freaks and performers. That might be a long walk off a short pier. I just don't want to be stuck doing something I don't want to do and when I get into these moods I think I can't see a way out. It's like hell when it's late like this and I can't sleep and I can't write a goddamned thing or get inspired. I wish you were here. I have a hard time sleeping since I moved out. I'm very happy you have a bed now. I felt terrible with you sleeping on that couch. I suppose I should've left you one when I left seeing as I don't do nearly as much sleeping as you do. I woke up today at Three. I can't talk to you at night and you can't talk to me in the morning. We're almost star-crossed that way. A quick-fix-culture Romeo and Juliet. Anything for a dime I'd think. Please don't have those nightmares tonight. You're worth so much more than that. Perhaps I'll watch Science of sleep for the eighteenth time and practice Parallel Synchronized Randomness in my dreams. Then we can achieve what this world holds back from us. I love you.

Perth