Ravens in the Corn

Today, I had my German 101 final exam. It went well methinks. After the exam i thought i would walk down the street to the B&N to make a quick refund of the the book that was never delivered to me. When i got there, they told me I had never been charged because the book had never came in. Go me. Atleast that knowledge was gained. I went to the grocery store before i came home. Apprehended a variety of foods and drinks to survive. I noticed the woman in front of me in line was purchasing an assortment of green foods. Not green like lettuce, olives, green crayons. I mean the green foods that, in fact, taste not entirely different from green crayons at all. And i thought to myself:
If i had the money to buy these foods? Would I?
Where is the line between helping the community and not driving myself completely broke through buying frivelous differences drawn?
Maybe I would.
So i bought my food and came home.
Earlier I read a journal my girlfriend wrote in around 2002. I'm not sure why I did. Maybe the same reason people read these blogs. I wasn't much interested in what she had to say about her past loves. What i was interested in was her moments of teenage angst. Where she complained of her looks. She complained about other people. People she felt were not lesser than her, but people that seem to be the same as her:
Is this the new discrimination? Do we no longer hate those weaker or less desirable than ourselves? Do we hate who we are?

I think it's more complicated than that.

Well, not my problem, just thinking aloud.
But anyways, i didn't purposely go searching for this journal. If i did, don't you think i'd look for something alittle more recent. No, in fact, I was looking for a hard surface i could use to write on. It just so happens that it was this journal.
A very admirable journal at that. Beautifully written in. Lots of pictures, photos of people and magazine articles cut out. Sure wish i had something of this magnitude. But possibly journals are just an extension of our lives. What we experience everyday is in itself, a journal. Not written in words. But in the innate code we percieve it in.
In turn, we come home and transcribe these experiences in a journal.
So maybe not an extension.
Maybe a transcription.
Well in any case, i included a picture above. I wanted in below, but couldn't figure it out. Maybe one day i will. It's a pig that me and my girfriend found at the James River. Not sure if it's still there, but i am very proud of it nonetheless. Au revoir, Auf wiedersehen and good night.

Angst, Circa 97

I can't believe I'm doing this again. It makes me sick. I left work early today, because i could. I was ridiculed by a co-worker because of this:
"Why would you want to go home? Don't you like it here?"
Of course I like it here, but if I had your wages I'd probably find more worth in sticking around the full eight hours. Besides, it's only one day.
I never call out. Everyone around me calls out. Calls me:
"Can you work a double friday? I'll get you into the show Saturday night for free."
I would take you up on that offer if i didn't already agree with myself that you are the most unreliable person i've ever had the good graces of meeting in my life and if I could, I would never speak to you again.
But this is all run-off. Like the water nobody drinks, we all want the big picture. Well here's your big picture.
I'm 20. I'm employed by a retailer and make shit for money. I study English at a University overrun with hypocrits and pompous assholes that don't understand the first thing about the first thing. I live in an apartment that has about the square-footage of the bedroom I previously moved out of. I want a house. Not a big one. I never want to own a large house. I want one of those houses up the street. Without the driveways, the ones where you park right on the street and walk up a sidewalk to your front door where you are greeted by your dog Skip and the modern intricacies of your home. I digress.
I have a girlfriend now, I'm not alone anymore. There was a time that i told myself and the people i was surrounded by that I would be alone forever. This could never be true of course, because nobody can be alone forever. Forever would entail both the present AND future of an individual's life and because i cannot predict the future (and neither can you), it follows that Loneliness can never be achieved without drastic and seemingly impossible strategies. I digress.
My girlfriend, we'll call her rockabilly danger. I love her. And she loves me. That is an assumption i'm willing to take based on the grounds that without it, we could not advance in our relationship. Some risks absolutely have to be taken. She is my best friend. I don't say that as:
"We are the very best. We're BFF's"
I say that as she is who i confide in. She is who wears my tears on her sleeves. She is everything about the human race i am pulling for and I could not imagine having anything better.